Back to the Doctor I Go

Many moons ago I started my blog to talk about the issues my oldest son had, well it appears I am going to revisit that aspect of this blog for my toungest son.

As many of you know, I have a second child now. I am in this situation alone as well, it simply seems to be in my cards to have to go through parenthood alone. Unfortunately that places the weight of any financial, mental and physical health issues for both children solely on my shoulders. It is tiresome ending up adding to the typical black family picture (without the father being around), but as long as there is a belief that no matter what it is alright to lie, cheat, steal and attack people there is no other options available to me or my children. Although their fathers ended up being poor choices for me due to the typical/cliche reasons I refuse to get into and me being naive and loyal to a fault, I do not regret them being here. I love being a mother and truly did the best I could with what I had, that was returned with less than what I gave..much less.

Now, back to my little guy..

In utero his femur measured smaller than the rest of his body. I was told this on numerous visits and since I attended the vast majority of my visits alone I did the best I could to remain calm about it. I had no one in my corner to be there by my side as I received updates about his developement.

I accept the full blame for that. I had other options, ones involving me having that support and placing my child in better circumstances but I chose to go against my gut and give a chance to someone who really did not deserve it or want it as it was later revealed.

So, I was scared…alone…and was told my second little guy could have issues.

I also suffer from Polyhydramnios, this condition could end up with a child looking like this:

I had this diagnoses with my oldest son, but I simply ended up having a large child.

I was restricted in my movements the last couple of months with this child.

I tried to lean on his father for support, but his focus was elsewhere. All the promises and apologies ended up with me still being the one to carry the burden alone and feeling left out even while temporarily staying with him. He became a stranger.

As the baby started measuring larger and I was at the point of not being able to do things on my own, I had an additional fear…a c-section.

Of course, to add insult to injury I ended up having a c-section. I had never been under the knife before for any reason…I never even broke a bone. Due to the large weight gain and the surgery my body took a long time to recover.

But I had a healthy 8.6 pound boy.

Now at 6 months we have hit a bump in his growth. Yesterday I spend a number of hours having him examined, blood drawn and x-rays taken.

His fontanel (his softspot) is larger than average and his femurs are of concern due to size and shape. So, back to the doctor I go for my little guy and my big guy still has the speech therapy appoinments. The only blessing in all of this is my ability to take the time to do this. In the past jobs weren’t exactly happy with hiring a mother doing everything for their child without help.

When you are in that type of situation you have to use all your time off for the health of your child…and you cannot get sick yourself.

I have to go now and get my oldest ready to go on a camping trip…have a great day. I will post an update once I recieve more information.

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Originally posted. June 5, 2013