Boundaries and Family

A question was posed online asking if women had an issue with momma’s boys. Any time there is another person actively involved in the decisions you and you mate makes it calls for trouble. With so many family comprised of various combinations, it is no longer as simple as “if you are dating or marrying a person, you are also doing the same with their family”. In some relationships you are only dating their parent.

There was an article I shared amongst my friends on “Sonsbands” which received a large amont of agreement. For those of you not willing to read that article the definition of Sonsband is this:

Well, a sonsband is a son that is raised by a mother to be all the male roles she needs in her life but unfortunately wasn’t able to secure in the spouse.

  • These sonsbands are called to fight for thier mothers “Don’t make me call my son!  He crazy!”
  • These sonsbands have roles defined by the single mothers as “the MAN of the house” (even as young as 2 years of age.)
  • These sonsbands must grow up often to be the protectors and providers for their mothers (having guilt trips laid on them for being raised)
  • These sonsbands have significant others of their own who are engaged in an ongoing (sometimes life long, competitive battle) with the single mothers
  • These sonsbands often have an over dependency/love from for their mother which leads themselves to never fully mature as MEN and they settle being GROWN BOYS.

Yes, we admit there are numerous disadvantages to raising a child in a single parent home (a single parent is a parent who is not married nor are they living with a mate…period); however we do additional damage on top of the disadvantages if we lean too hard on our children. The most damaging is a mother leaning too hard in her son. If he is lucky enough to finally realize he is allowed to live his own life, he will potentially have divided loyalty in his relationship.

Which brings me back to the original question: How do I feel about dating a momma’s boy.

It depends on the mother.

One man responded to the question after us females had our say:

No woman should have to take a backseat to her man’s momma. Especially when the mother-son dynamic is blurred because of an unhealthy understanding between the two of them (He’s more her “Man” than her “son”).

The entire situation is bizarre at times and speaks to inadequacies she [his mother] possesses, as well as inadequacies she’s CREATED in her “Man-Son”. . . .

Now before you men get up in arms and say “that’s my mom though”, that is true. Your mother was supposed to raise you to be able to live your own life and make your own decisions…including the decision on who you choose to be with and how you and your mate should live. Anytime there is a decision that affects the way you and your mate handle things and your mother’s imput outranks your mate’s input, you have officially placed your mother in front of your mate.

For Mom

Now…moms pay close attention to this section..

I can talk to the children caught up in this situation until I am blue in the face, but since you have your children programmed to honor you no matter how wrong you are..

yes, I just told you that you are wrong…

…anyway, I can talk to the children or their mates about this but the biggest key factor in all this is YOU.

Do you realize you are creating a generation of men who cannot and will not have successful relationships? If you are a single mother, it is not up to your children to make up for you not having a mate. If you have your children (specifically your son) at home with you and they are over the age of 18, not working or going to school you are stunting his grown..and your own.

If you feel what you say is the end all be all in your child’s decisions, you are guaranteeing he will never have a successful relationship (this goes for both your son and daughter).

SOME of you may not even realize how your actions are detrimental to the health of future grand children (IF your involvement is hidden enough for you to even have any). Please watch this video below.


What did you see? I saw a mother so involved in her daughters life she essentially broke up a family or made a co-parenting situation worse. I see a grandmother poisoning the mind of her grand child. I am sure the grandmother only wanted the best for her child, but at what expense? This little girl’s parents can’t even talk to each other now…all over false accusations.

Your ability to yell and scream to make your child do what you want should have ended when they turned 18. At that point they became an adult, one you hopefully raised to make their own decisions and carry on adult conversations.

If you have to be overbearing and steam roll over your child and anyone they are involved with..








If you will not allow your boy to be a man, he won’t know how to have a family.

You are molding him to do what was done to you. It is not your child’s job to take care of you emotionally, physically or financially. It was your job to prepare your child how to handle their own…you are not their own.

I have seen the damage mothers like you can do to relationships. I am making damn sure I am not making my son a victim of being molded into a sonband.

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Originally posted. February 6, 2013