As a single parent you often spend time wondering a number of things.
- if things would have worked out with the other parent, would the quality of life for your family would have been better
- is this solely your fault
- should I have more patience with the other parent and allow them to come around to being a responsible parent
This week, my moment of clarity hit me.
Recently my youngest child underwent some tests involving running the genetic information for both parents. The initial appointment was only attended by myself (his father had other more important things to do); however after a long discussion the genetic specialist stated we all needed our genetic code ran. That day they took my blood and my sons blood. I notified his father about the situation and within that week an appointment was kept for his blood to be drawn.
The test took about 6 months to complete.
Personally, the wait was torture. I started emailing the moment the 6 month mark was met.
Finally, a call was made to me trying to schedule an appointment to go over the results.
During that time, every time my little guy got sick he threw up I had t call out from work a number of times due to the level of his sickness.
When the appointment date was offered, his father told me he could’t make it due to a meeting at work that day.
As much as it pained me to turn down an appointment I have been worried about for months; I declined so his father could attend. I was offered another appointment weeks later for almost two months after the call. I took the appointment because honestly I had a feeling this was going to provide important information and due to the difficulty in scheduling I knew there was something off. When I told his father, his response was he would be on a leisure trip at that time.
I went to the appointment on my own. Turns out, my little inherited a blood trait from his father which required more tests and had one more abnormality. At that point I realized there would always be a reason to not place someone else before him.
When you are in a relationship with someone you really care about, you find the ability to over look their selfishness.
When you see them making decisions going against what they claim they want as far as a family and a relationship; you tend to bend and try to make things work inn spite of how it makes you feel. When you see that same person making decisions placing your child in the position you were once in; it places things in a different perspective.
For every lie, lack of follow through, and betrayal I dealt with during the relationship; those same traits are prevalent in his parenting.
Even if I would have overlooked / not called him out on his lack of character simply for the sake of having a two parent home, I would still have ended up a single parent.
Some people simply cannot look beyond their own comfort to make room in their life for another person, no matter who that person is to them.
If a person cannot let go of a single life lifestyle while in a relationship (which was our issue); they will not be able to do so as a parent.
Many people downplay the effects of a person being deceptive in relationships; glossing over exactly what that means as far as character traits. When that spills over to parenting that flaw become the fault of the parent actually handling the responsibility.
As I put on my big girl pants and continue to take on the role of both parents, I realize exactly what this was supposed to teach us: one monkey don’t stop no show.
Men complain about how fathers are undervalued; once you make yourself obsolete you can only blame yourself.